I’ve been on this earth for 26 Mother’s Days. Most of them have been celebratory of the women I love the most. The great-grandma who speaks truth and light and grace in all things. The grandma who made fried chicken in a cast iron skillet on Sundays and still sings hymns when other words won’t come. The grandma who shows me examples of love everywhere we are- how to love my husband and my family and my church. The mother-in-law who not only gave me the gift of a godly and wise husband, but is a friend and counselor. The mama who pours her heart out to empty every day and then starts again the next day as if it’s not great and hard work to love her children so deeply. The Nashville mothers I have held dearly. My closest friends- the women who have stepped into the gap in my life to make me feel loved where I am, who brought me soup when I was sick, loved me on my darkest days, and treated me as family.
The last four Mother’s days have been a struggle in some way. I’ve written about my infertility so much. I will keep writing those blog posts because there are more of us out there than I can stand and I want us to be in this together. I’ve written blog posts about how hard Mother’s Day can be for women who want nothing more than to be a mother and cannot. And I will keep writing those posts because difficult days don’t go away in the 4th year of infertility and the 7th year and the 20th year and they don’t go away when you find a new path to motherhood. I’ve written posts about hope and about pain, about past, present, and future.
But this year is a new kind of Mother’s Day. This is the year I found motherhood at 5am. Pulled it into my living room and read it a story after driving overnight with my heart exploding with hope. This is the year I woke up on Mother’s Day with squirmy baby feet in my hair, got called mommy 100 times, was asked for when needing comfort. This is the year I am mama.
To all the mamas. The mamas with kids and without, the foster mamas who are temporary and forever all at the same time, the mamas who have lost littles and the littles who have lost mamas, I hope your day has felt blessed.