Full disclosure: I have not been doing well emotionally for a couple of months now. I’ve been short-tempered, moodier than I’ve ever been before, self-deprecating, on the verge of tears nearly every day, and just flat out grumpy. I know myself well enough to know that this is often a signal that depression is setting up camp. I knew it was coming. I knew my emotions were out of control. I knew it, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. My friends that also struggle with depression know that feeling. What an awful feeling it is.
Because of the stupid things depression does, there was a lot of space around me that I was using poorly. I filled that space with anger and with as much busyness and avoidance as possible, so I didn’t have time to think or feel things. My busyness became my idol – what I ran to at all times instead of finding peace in the space around my emotional unrest.
After three separate studies I’m working through talked about this very thing in the last week, I decided to face my emotions head on, step back and take a breath, spend some time in rest and solitude, and spend a little quality time with God, and hang out with Dave to get us back on track (since depressy Steph does not a pleasant wife make). So instead of going to super fun youth camp, which I really love going to every year, I took a breath. I prayed a lot. I unplugged. I rested (actual rest… not the sit and watch tv so my mind doesn’t race kind). I sang songs that put my heart in the right place, and I enjoyed the space instead of filling it with nonsense.
Here are a few pictures from this weekends’ rest.