Restless – Stream of Conciousness

I am embarking on my first solo road trip to Missouri and back this weekend and I could not be more ready. I’ve been in an incredibly restless mood lately. My brain has stopped making sense of anything. Days are running together, meals are getting overlooked (and when I do feel hungry, nothing in particular sounds good), my emotions are out of control, and my mind is scattered over a million things. I want a vacation with Dave, I don’t want to be in the house, I’m looking for projects to do, and wandering back an forth between the living room and the kids’ room… itching to DO something. Anything. The few things I have planned aside from the rather large load of design and shop work I had this week have been a welcomed change of scenery. Restlessness is the best way I can describe it.

I think part of it is that I’m in a period of waiting that I’ve never had. No job or school to punch in to every day for the first time in my half-grown life. I’m just in-between. I’ve started and finished a million projects and it’s stirring up my creativity in ways I haven’t felt in a long time, which I’m loving. But the downside to that is I am unable to sleep. As soon as my head hits the pillow I’m thinking about art and foster kids and traveling and writing and illustrating and how uncomfortable the bed is and I just. don’t. shut. off.

My conversational skills have tanked (not that they were ever all that impressive) because I am only able to form sentence fragments. It could be the lack of sleep, I suppose.

Whatever this weird state I’m in is, I’m hoping a trip home to Missouri will shake it up and put the pieces of my brain back together. This creative, moody, nonsensical monster I have become over the past week is not my favorite.

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