This is Why I Call Myself a Human Mad-Lib

Let me preface this post by saying I DO work some days. But those days are scheduled in advance and vary by the week. But in this weird in-between work and fostering period of my life, this is what a totally normal not-planned-in-advance weekday looks like:

8am: Decide I definitely do not feel like I’m ready for my day. Not getting up yet. Going back to sleep. Except I’m playing on my phone because I can’t actually fall back to sleep. Think about nothing.

9am: Done checking email, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter on my phone in bed. Guess I should get up. Get on laptop to work. Start designing, blogging, Etsying. Think about very little.

10am: Feel hungry and realize I haven’t eaten breakfast. Text Lillian to see what her family is doing for lunch. Invite myself along.

11am: More computer work. Start to daydream about leaving the house. I feel I’ve been alone far too long and wish Dave was home. Text Dave to tell him hello and send him a picture of myself making a funny face.

Noon: Lunch with Lillian and kids.

1pm-3pm: Errands with Lillian and kids. Whole Foods, Essex, Thriftsmart, CSA pick up. Hear that Muppet song I love and sing it during all errands.

4pm: Say I’m going home to take a nap. Really want to take a nap, but lay down in the living room and think about how little sleep I will get when there are foster kids here instead. Feel nervous. Feel inadequate. Feel excited. Feel adequate. Feel really excited. Think of crafts to do with kids. Think of crafts to do for myself. Remember how messy the craft closet is.

4:30pm: Get up and decide to reorganize entire house, paint furniture, do laundry, and make Dave a present – just for fun. Sing that Muppet song I love really loudly to myself.

5:30pm: Lose steam after only reorganizing the DVD drawer. Text Dave to see if he’ll be home for dinner and send him a picture of the DVD drawer with 7 exclamation points.

6pm: Start to think about cooking dinner and check fridge multiple times. Text Lillian and Amanda to see what they’re doing for dinner. Invite myself along. Tell Twitter about the DVD drawer.

6:15pm: Answer Dave’s phone call for a conversation neither of us can hear because his windows are down in the truck. Get annoyed. Tell him I’ll text him when we know where we’re eating. Walk to the neighbors house to hitch a ride to dinner.

6:30pm: Finally leave for dinner.

6:45pm: Actually decide where we’re going to eat after 15 minutes of aimless driving. Sing that Muppet song quietly.

7pm: Meet Dave at restaurant. Probably Mexican. See a cute baby at dinner. Wish I had a baby. Laugh at Dave’s work stories even though I don’t understand half of them.

8pm: Come home and show Dave how awesome the DVD drawer looks. Feel surprised that he’s not freaking out about it. Reorganize the foster-care room for the 100th time while humming that Muppet song. Dave unwinds in front of the TV.

9pm: Tell Dave I need his help for just like one second- moving some furniture, measuring something for a project I thought up, or hooking up the printer. Get confused when he is too tired to help. He helps anyway. Feel guilty. But also thankful. Decide to watch TV with him before bed because he deserves some downtime. Play on my phone and keep interrupting because I don’t like this show.

10pm: Dave zombie-walks to the bed. I tell him stories about my day and ask him about his while he tries to sleep. Alternate songs to hum- not just Muppets. Dave falls asleep in 10 seconds and I get up to watch an episode of something on Netflix.

11pm: Alright fine, another episode.

12pm: Another.

1am: Go to bed. Not tired.

1:15am: Make a grocery list. Make a project list. Read the Bible. Check Facebook. Remember what I forgot at the store. Wish I could wake Dave up and tell him a funny thing I thought of. Design a baby shower for a friend. Look at motorcycles on Craigslist. Feel sad I can’t get Dave a surprise motorcycle. Feel thankful that Dave doesn’t have a motorcycle – they’re very dangerous. Remember we need to get health insurance. Wish I was pregnant. Sing the Muppet song in my head.

2am: Why is no one still posting things on Instagram? Write a blog post. Remember what else I forgot at the store. Decide what to wear tomorrow. Remember I haven’t done laundry in a week. Feel guilty. Feel silly for feeling guilty about laundry in light of world orphan crisis. Feel hungry. Ignore it. Decide to take more walks. Think about how much I love air conditioning. Think about how the heat doesn’t bother me so much in Haiti. Think about Haiti. Think about adoption. Think about foster care. Make a foster care shopping list. Get nervous. Get excited. Get tired. Pray.

3am: Sleep

4am: Wake up – no blankets

5am: Wake up – too many blankets

8am: I definitely do not feel like I’m ready for my day. Not getting up yet. Playing on my phone because I can’t fall back to sleep.


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