As some of you know, and some of you may have guessed, I’ve sort of been “out of work” for a month. I do real-estate stuff a few hours a week, babysit here and there, and will be teaching art lessons again this summer, but mostly I have just focused on Buffalo Mae and creating things. And do you know what? I’m loving it. I wake up in the morning, come to work in my home office – blogging, doing graphic design, working on the shop, photo shoots, reworking my home, being creative, or I head out into the world to do whatever – mostly look for items for the shop.
Sometimes I sit back and think, “is this real? This is totally awesome. This is a dream come true.” And sometimes I sit back and think, “what in the world. What do I say when someone asks me what I do? Why am I not looking for a real job?” Either way, I’m so thankful for a husband who first of all, supports the decisions I’ve made and is okay with me giving this “job” a test run, and second, has a job that can support us financially while I have been trying to get my creative career up and running – a job in the MUSIC BUSINESS, no less. So incredibly thankful for that guy.
And here’s the other thing – we’re praying about it, and have decided that we are going to become foster parents!
I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, and am beyond excited about this exciting new challenge. As a part of preparing for fostering, I really wanted to be able to separate myself from working full-time so that I could get our house ready for hosting foster kids, learn to budget our family on only Dave’s income, and have a system in place for life at home instead of life at work when a child (or children) DO come into or home.
We’re still in the very beginning stages of the process. We’ve talked to a couple of people from different agencies and talked with people about different types of foster care to make sure we’re heading down the right track for us. We still have to go through all the classes and home studies that accompany foster parenting, but I’m thrilled about it.
This desire to be a foster parent really comes from a lot of different places inside our marriage. But in my heart, the two biggest factors are from the ways God is teaching me about myself through infertility and through meeting orphans in Haiti. There is a great deal of void in your life when you are reminded of an empty womb every day. It is painful, but it is a growing experience at least. There’s also a world full of hurt that you cannot ignore when you have held a newborn baby that doesn’t have a home.
My desire for children will never go away, and God has made me this way for a reason. This hand I’ve been dealt is not a cruel joke; it’s filled with purpose that I cannot see yet. If being a foster parent and an advocate for the fatherless is the reason God has orchestrated my life the way it is, then I will follow Him to that place and rest in His promises for me. If the fact that I have not been able to get pregnant all these years has helped me to spend time in Haiti learning the names of orphans and doing my small part to help give them hope, then I am going to hold on to that as a positive thing. If me not having a job right now will make a child’s life easier because I can give him or her the attention they so desperately need, then I am thankful that I don’t have a job. If learning to budget our home on only one income (and pay for another Haiti trip) will teach me to desire God above materialism every day, then I am thankful for that income adjustment. If being infertile for a season of life (or even forever) is how God is using me to help motherless children, am I willing to say yes to that?
So here I am, in this brand new place in my life – this place that is terrifying and exciting and a dream come true and a dream rearranged. I’m learning to trust and to obey.