Yesterday I posted about wonderful Christmas music. Nostalgic and lovely and all the other good stuff that gets put into Christmas music. Today I’d like to address the dark side of Christmas music. Did you know that such a thing existed? Well, it sure does and it warrants some attention.
One I noticed for the first time this year to ease you into things are the lyrics to “You’re a Mean One” from The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. These lyrics are all kinds of crazy, but that’s on purpose, so I’d never really thought about it. But let’s DO think about it. The song is full of lyrical gems such as, “You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch. With a nauseous super naus,” which I just love. Super naus should be my new thing. Like, “whoa. This ham sandwich is super naus territory” or, “holy smokes, Dave. That terrible driving just made me super naus.” And even better than super naus, in my opinion, is this line: “You’re a crooked jerky jockey, and you drive a crooked hoss.” I said something on twitter yesterday with that line like… I don’t even know what that means. And my big brother replied with, “My guess: You’re a mean little guy, and your horse is mean, too. That’s a mean thing to say about someone’s horse.” That cracked me right up. Big brother = hilarious.
Secondly, and a little more serious, is the song “Christmas Shoes.” This is quite the controversy. Some people love this song. Me? I’m not so into singing about the saddest possible Christmas ever. If you’ve not heard the song, I will save you the trouble. The lyrics to the chorus are, “Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my Mama, please. It’s Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size. Could you hurry, sir, Daddy says there’s not much time. You see she’s been sick for quite a while, and I know these shoes would make her smile, and I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight.”
What in the world?! Doesn’t that just punch your Christmas spirit right in the face? Sheesh. I would for sure rather sing about super naus than about a dying mother and her poor pathetic son, who the song describes as “dirty from head to toe.” No thanks.
And another song that’s bad on purpose (I hope) is “Santa Baby.” This song is the materialistic generation’s theme song. It’s probably parody, but still I don’t think we need to be singing about all the ridiculous things we’d like for Christmas since, you know, that’s what we’re all thinking anyway. Those are the kind of thoughts we leave inside our head and don’t put to music. And this isn’t necessarily something I want the kids these days to get from a Christmas song: “Think of all the fun I’ve missed. Think of all the fellas that I haven’t kissed.” Really? Is that how it works?
Lastly, some of you know my feelings toward the song “Baby It’s Cold Outside.” I think it’s a fun song. It’s catchy and quirky and it’s a male/female duet which is a definite plus in my book. But shall we take a closer look at the lyrics?
First, we’ve got a protest (in the female’s part) where she says she’d like to leave and the male vocalist is trying to make her stay at his house. She says, “Say, what’s in this drink?” Friends, I’m not sure if roofies were invented before 1944 when this song was written, but heaven’s sake that sounds like date rape drugs to me.
And later in the song the female sings, “I simply must go. The answer is no.” Have we not all heard the phrase, “no means no” yet? As far as I can tell, that stands up in a court, and I think Mr. Male Vocal Lead is about to spend some time in jail when the snow clears and they can leave the house again.