Preoccupied is probably a good word for it. Maybe lazy, maybe boring, maybe busy? Whatever you name it, it is the same thing. It’s an empty blog. Sorry things have been so quiet this week. I just didn’t really feel like I had much to say. But today I kind of do.
I had ONE difficult day this week in regards to all the non-pregnancy stuff and I’ve been thinking a bit lately about my purpose here on Earth and how I’m not sure I have one. Like maybe I’m not meant for something really. Which I wholly believe isn’t true, but sometimes you have those days, you know? Where you don’t feel you’re getting to use your talents or your interests except for a few hours a week? And surely God wouldn’t have given me this heart and this mind if all I was supposed to do was doodle on a note pad while I’m answering phones at a desk job or just visit other people’s kids now and again but not have any of my own. Surely I wasn’t meant to be where I am. But this sounds like whining to me, so let’s move on.
Even though I had those heavy thoughts lately, they didn’t pull me under like bad days sometimes do. They didn’t grab hold and seep their sticky sadness into the rest of me. And that got me thinking about the fact that I have really been in a great place lately. It’s been a long time since I’ve been dragged down by depression. Like… longer than I ever remember going before between bouts of sadness. Like… over a year maybe. And friends, I cannot tell you how excited I’ve been by this realization. Progress maybe? Hormonal changes maybe? Diet and exercise lately has helped, I’m sure. Maybe I’m just growing up.
Sure I have bad days now and again like I did this week, but they don’t seem endless. And they don’t seem so absolutely insurmountable. And they don’t seem all encompassing. They feel like something I can handle. The amount of thankfulness I feel about that can’t really be described to you. I can tell you that I’m tearing up as I’m writing this because I’m so overwhelmingly full of thankfulness. I can tell you that I want to hug the neck of Christ and jump up and down with Him saying, “thank you, thank you, thank you!” over and over like I’m 8 years old and He’s just given me a new pink bicycle with sparkles on the handlebars and a little basket in the front for keeping dolls and treasures. I can tell you a lot of things about the way it makes me feel, but I won’t do it justice.
When I was putting together this blog post, I was looking back through some older blog posts about my history of depression and I saw this post about a sense of peace and contentment I had exactly this time last year. And then when I read the last paragraph of that post in October 2009 I wanted to tell the world that prayer is a mighty warrior when you don’t feel like standing up to fight for yourself.
So I guess that’s what I came here to say today. I had a bad day. I’m doing fine. Prayer works.
A while back, I posted a lot of random things about myself
so you could get to know me better. Today I’m doing that again. Except it’s about my husband, whom you really should get to know.
– Timely: Dave refuses to admit that he is sick when, in fact, he is sick. His voice is about 2 octaves lower right now and he can’t breathe through his nose. But he is. not. sick. dadgumit.
– He’s one of the hardest workers I’ve ever met. He doesn’t ever complain about working 90 hours a week. I work 40 and I’m all like, “ugh, I never have any time to do fun stuff. I’m always at work!”
– He’s very proud of the shape of his fingernails. He likes, “how they go all the way to the edge.”
– He WILL sing the whole Ninja Turtles rap if it comes up in conversation.
– He loves to ruin a picture by being ridiculous. These ridiculous pictures make the world a better place.
– In the morning, when he is half asleep, he loves to talk about the weird dreams he’s just had. His half-asleepedness turns each explanation into a 10 minute long far too detailed description of each specific part of the dream.
– When I was in middle school (before Dave and I knew each other very well) I had 3 dreams that Dave rescued me from different things. 2 tornadoes and one flood.
– He’s a super fun uncle. One day he’ll be a super fun dad.
– Mr. Hagen really enjoys a good cliff to jump from. He’s quite the daredevil.
– One year he got a remote control plane for his birthday in November. At the beginning of December he asked for a remote control helicopter. Because a helicopter is so much different than a plane.
– He LOVES his career in the music business. He’s realized some pretty amazing dreams in the past few years, he’s had some pretty crazy schedules, he’s worked with some really cool people, and he’s learned a lot. His passion for his work makes me proud and excited for him. And jealous, but we won’t get into that here.
– He knows the quickest way to make me angry. And he uses it because he thinks it’s funny. It is not funny. But sometimes it IS funny. He’s the only person who can make me laugh by making me mad. It’s not fair play.
– When he’s bored, he starts little projects and obsesses over them until they are finished and working correctly. We are the same in that.
– We do NOT work well together on little projects (staining fences, for example.) Sometimes we forget this and work together on something. Quickly we remember.
– He lost his wedding ring in the lake a couple summers ago and spent an unhealthy amount of time at the bottom of the lake looking for it. So long that his ears became swollen and sore for a few days because of all the pressure change. He never found it.
– In the middle of the night, he sometimes talks in his sleep and says really funny or really frightening things. Like, “why are you here?” or “spoon with me.”
– He can eat so.much.food. Especially breakfast food. He loves the fact that IHOP has unlimited pancakes, eggs, and hashbrowns for $4.99. He would love to tell you about it if given the chance.
– He’s always wanted to adopt, but I didn’t know until we were in Haiti and he casually brought it up.
– It’s hilarious to watch him try on a pair of shoes at the store. I can’t even explain it other than, he’s very thorough in his trying on.
– Best snuggler ever.
– He reads my blog. Love you Davie! All your rotten obnoxiousness, all your goofy faces, and all your other stuff.
Saturday we took off toward Montgomery Bell State Park for a small camping trip with friends. The weather was absolutely perfect, the trees were just at their peak of changing, and the mix-tape was excellent (if I do say so myself.)
We did some hiking, some sitting around the campfire, and the tiniest bit of fishing. Which was mostly watching our 4 year old friend do the fishing since he’s the only one that didn’t need a fishing license.
Sunday morning I woke up to this beautiful view. I just sat still in my sleeping bag staring up at the trees and the open tent top for a good 15 minutes. It was amazing. I tried to stitch several pictures together to get a good picture of the whole tent top, but it came out a little strange.
I think I’m ready to go camping again. Who’s in?
Every year around the middle of September, I start to think about the pumpkin patch. And by “think about the pumpkin patch” I mean “obssess about and talk non-stop about the moment when I will be AT the pumpkin patch.”
When I was younger, we’d go to Rombach Farms
. My great-aunt and uncle owned the farm and pumpkin patch just outside of St. Louis and going there each fall was a serious
treat. We’d sit in the giant pile of pumpkins and get our pictures taken, we’d go through the field and pick out the biggest, most perfectly shaped pumpkins we could find, we’d walk through the barns and drink hot chocolate. Magic, I tell you.
Though I haven’t been back to Aunt Maggie’s farm in a while, I still get the itch to go to a pumpkin patch every year. Since living in Nashville, we’ve been to Gentry’s Farm
in Franklin each fall. I’m fairly certain that I’m the most excited to go every year out of all the kids I’ve gone with.
These are my friends, the Griffins. They’re awesome. Maybe even more awesome than the pumpkin patch. Maybe.
It’s PLAYLIST TIIIIIME!
My pictures from the pumpkin patch this weekend haven’t been uploaded yet, so I’m posting the other fun I had this weekend. My playlist!
I make 2 playlists per season. Like, “early summer” and “late summer” and this is Early Fall.
Works well with the windows down on an evening road trip out the studio – it’s been tested.
1. Victim of Circumstance – She Bears
2. For Us – Pete Yorn
3. A Million to One – Autovaughn
4. Coney Island – Good Old War
5. Begin Again – Farewell Flight
6. Something In the Water – Brooke Fraser
7. Love You Strongly – Amy Stroup
8. Crushes – Andy Shauf
9. Static Waves – Andrew Belle
10. Sun Hands – Local Natives
11. Go On, Say It – Blind Pilot
12. Break Me Out – The Rescues
14. The Guy That Says Goodbye – Griffin House
Today I’m feeling a short and sweet blog post. Friday Favorites. Just a list of a few of my new favorite things.
1. Quirky nail polish colors. I am a whole-hearted lover of all colors, but when it comes to nail polish I’m normally a pink-only gal. This new color on my fingertips thing is really growing on me, though.
2. Something In the Water by Brooke Fraser. The song is catchy, the video is cute. How can you go wrong?
amazing little boat automata found on Etsy.
4. The smell of the heater kicking on again this fall. Am I the only person who loves the smell of newly revived heater?
5. This post on twitter from my hilarious husband:
If it’s true that beards are hip and my clothes aren’t, then I’m only a hipster naked. Don’t picture that. Sorry if I cause a brother to stumble.
6. The fact that my little sister, Christina, is up to #4 (as I type this) in a battle of the bands with over 500 other bands. She’s super duper talented, and totally deserves every single vote. (VOTE FOR HER HERE!)
7. Seriously every single thing in this shop. But especially this print.
8. The words of encouragement I’ve received over the past couple of weeks. I’ve had the teensiest little struggle with feeling like I have a purpose. But, I have been flooded, flooded, with kind words about this little blog space and my artwork. Thanks, to those of you who were a part of that. I want to hug you.
9. Knowing that I’m going to the pumpkin patch this weekend, which is one of my very favorite places to be. THE PUMPKIN PATCH, Y’ALL!
10. This quote by E.B. White: “I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”
Have a great weekend! Enjoying the world or making it better.
In a few (hopefully short) weeks, I’m heading down to Texas for my brother’s wedding/Thanksgiving/beach vacation.
I had a dream a few nights ago that I had brought my entire family to the store with me to find a dress for the wedding. It was 7:23 and the wedding was supposed to start at 7:30 across town. The whole family was mad at me because I hadn’t found a dress yet, and I was wandering the store crying. I was saying things like, “I can’t afford the dresses that I liiiiiike” and “these aren’t even in my siiiiize” and it was all very stressful, as I’m sure you can imagine.
So the next day I began my hunt for a dress for the wedding. Which then turned into figuring out what I’ll wear the whole time in Texas. Mentally packing, if you will. Which then turned into an all-out Polyvore
fest. Which became these:
Do you think 5 weeks early is too early to start packing?