What Emotion is This?

There was a point yesterday in which Dave and I became very delirious and slap happy. It happened after he did some editing on the computer, after we got in the truck to go car shopping, after he realized his brakes were out, and even after he tried to fix them and found out he couldn’t. It was after we decided car shopping was out of the question, after we hitched a ride to the repair shop and returned home, after the phone call from the repair shop telling us it was going to be $700, and after the begging and pleading with the car shop to lower the price as much as possible (down to $500.) It was after all that.

We sat in the living room. Numb. Not upset. Not stressed. Just… nothing. We were completely void of emotion.

And then, out of our numbness, we became ridiculous. We started laughing at everything that happened, cracking dumb jokes, making mental lists of the things in our house we could sell (half-joking, half-seriously,) and realizing that it was all out of our control. We weren’t worried or concerned – we were in good moods.

Sometimes it takes an unexpected $300 bill, a wreck, a $500 car repair, a $350 car wrecking and storage bill, getting a car loan for the first time, pressure from work to buy a car so my schedule is back to normal, an upcoming art show for which I am unprepared, working 15 hour days- all within the same week- to make us realize it’s all out of our control. How nice it feels to not be in control.

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