I am completely aware that this post is not meant for everyone, so feel free to just stop reading if you’re a little sick of me talking about babies (at least 90% of you.) But that’s what I’m feeling at the moment and that’s what I’m going to write about. There’s your get out of jail free card.
Also, you should know that I’m actually in a good place this week emotionally. A place I can’t confidently say I’ve been over the past few weeks, but I’m here now – I feel healthy and relatively stable – and that feels good and it feels like relief and it feels like hope.
So this is where I am now: August marks the one year “anniversary” of when Dave and I decided to try to get pregnant. In the scheme of things, one year isn’t much, and I know that. But what one year means to me is that some hovering date I was given by my doctor is just about here and we are encouraged to “investigate” any issues Dave and I may have because pregnancy hasn’t happened yet. So, seeing that close approaching is scary and it’s sort of overwhelming my life.
But before all of that is today. And today I have seen about 7000 examples of super sappy mommy talk. If you want babies – YOU KNOW what I’m talking about. There are several types of sappy mommy talk. There are the really annoying examples. Mom’s who are really into letting everyone know how their lives are so much better because of their children, their kids are the sweetest and the cutest and the most snuggly and even when they’re in trouble it’s really no trouble because life is beautiful with their babies in their arms. It hurts me to hear those comments. Maybe you just happened to get pregnant during the same month I decided to try to get pregnant, and maybe you didn’t realize that your brand new soft and perfect baby is just a reminder to me that maybe something is wrong with me.
Another example of sappy mommy talk: cute stories. These are honest and a much sneakier way of making those of us without kids feel badly. Moms don’t mean to do it. I don’t even want them to stop doing it. I really like hearing stories about how kids figured out how to shoot beads out of their nose, or how they ate an entire box of Oreo cookies while mama was in the shower, or how they somehow misunderstood the meaning of a word that turned into something really embarrassing in public. I really love hearing that stuff. Just not today.
But the very worst kind of mommy talk, for me, is the mom who just wants to complain about her children all day every day. How much she doesn’t get a break. How the kids don’t listen or how getting in the car is so much harder with kids. I understand that it’s not okay to say to someone, “fine – if you don’t want your kid, give it to me.” That doesn’t normally work out. We have all either experienced first hand, or heard MANY TIMES PLEASE DON’T SAY IT TO ME AGAIN that raising children is really hard work. Think about it… is there ever a moment in life that telling someone who has yet to experience something is just as eye-opening as someone actually experiencing something? We’re not going to get that it’s hard until we do it. You know that more than we do. So why keep telling us? Maybe you didn’t mean to have kids and you were thrown into motherhood. Maybe your children really, honestly are hard work. Maybe I understand more than you know that not taking care of yourself before you take care of others is hard on a soul. Obviously I know that ranting sometimes feels really good at the moment, but I also know that it doesn’t accomplish a thing. But I’m still totally going to publish this blog post.
I don’t want to be that girl who nobody can be around because they’re not sure what’s allowed or what’s totally off limits and may make her cry or make her super uncomfortable. I really am NOT that girl most of the time, I hope. Can someone vouch for me? I don’t want you to be afraid to talk to me. Because 98% of the time, I want to hear about your kid and about your life and about your honest feelings. But sometimes… like today… everything baby or child related that I see or hear makes me sad or angry or jealous. Even if I’m in an otherwise healthy emotional state.