Before the big mother’s day festivities, I want to talk about my own “before motherhood.”
To get a bit of background on my thoughts of being a mother someday (if you haven’t been following this blog long) check here and here.
Last Mother’s Day was rough. I’m pretty sure I cried through the whole day off and on. Everything about that day was a reminder to me that something was missing from my life and I felt totally alone in that. Everyone was pregnant. Everyone had kids. Everyone was celebrating except for me. I was bitter and sad. I was frantic about all of the unknowns – thinking about getting pregnant but not being able to, wanting to have kids but knowing a wait was in store… it was all just very overwhelming. I was afraid of infertility, of instability, of timing outside of my control, and of so many other things.
Because I’ve written about all of that before, I just want to say to any of you that may be going through some of that this weekend: you AREN’T alone. Everyone is not pregnant. Everyone doesn’t have kids. Lots of people are hurting along side you. These words won’t help. I know that. But I needed to say them. If nothing else, just so I could read back over them and know that I thought that at one point in my own life and that I said it. I’m hopeful that this Sunday will be better for me than last Mother’s Day was, that God would calm my anxious spirit, and that anyone else going through infertility, waiting, miscarriages, sadness, hurt, or bitterness would have an overpowering hope this weekend.